When my mind goes away

Since we returned to get in touch, my mind is in a constant struggle.
From the first day that we spent 5 straight hours talking as if despite not know each other, of having talked when we were teenagers and have spent so many years without knowing anything about the other. I can not get you out of my head.
Whatever I do, wherever I am, my brain don't stop thinking on you, if you're thinking about me. And when that happens, the battle begins.
When I notice that your memory starts to approach the frontal lobe, my mind focuses its efforts on returning the thought behind, prevent being aware of it, that it is there, that I can not forget it, and never stop trying to push against each other.
Why comes that thought? Why do I care or  no longer matters if you're thinking of me? Why bother me think about? And it is because behind that innocent idea it comes the truly dangerous.
The fact is that I dont know how or why, you affect me. You make me feel things at 4,000 Km away that people that I can see and touch ever could. How is that possible if I do not even know you? You're just a bunch of pixels on a screen, vibrating membrane mimics your voice. But that's not you, I'm sure of it, you're much more.
That's real thought that terrifies me. Am I falling in love with someone I do not know and probably will never know? And there it is, has won the ground of my consciousness, to my attempt to think of something else. It is already here.
What if I leave out this absurd feeling? I would fall in love with you. But I'm not disposed, I'm not willing to suffer for something so extremely ridiculous. What could I do? If I dare to say, if you yield to such fatal circumstance ... What? We would have a long distance relationship all the time, years, that are needed for one of both has the money or lucky enough to go to the other country, and meanwhile not be able of being with other people. Have the bad things of relationships but not good.
And if you were not willing, or you are not interested. I would have to face the situation of a conversation that makes me happy and also torture me to such impotence. Or gather enough willpower to stop talking to you and forget you.
Forget someone you do not know.
So whenever my mind pound this battle, because it is always the same, there is never a winner. I never decide get carried away by the emotion, I only postpone my decision again and again. Until I can no longer appease and ends in a pit of anguish sought by myself.
This is the reason why I feared you. Yeah, you were my teenage nightmare and did not want to have other dreams. And now, it still is.